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    [Tiếng Anh] CHỮA LUẬN MIỄN PHÍ ( KÌ THI THPT QUỐC GIA)

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      #1

       on Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:46 am

      Mọi người có những bài luận ( Kì thi THPT Quốc Gia) xin hãy đăng tại đây theo mẫu sau:



      • Topic:

      • Nội dung bài luận:


      Các bạn muốn tham gia đánh giá, cho điểm bài viết, vui lòng đi theo những tiêu chí chung dưới đây:


      Được sửa bởi Admin ngày Mon Aug 31, 2015 12:14 pm; sửa lần 2.

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      #2

       on Mon Aug 31, 2015 11:52 am

      Topic: Your family
      Nội dung:
      I come from a family of three people:my father,my mother and I.The first one I want to talk about is my father.He is a barber but sadly,he never cuts my hair.He is very busy,he works from 8 a.m. to 10p.m. every day.His hobby in freetime is collect things like radio,antique,can,etc.He love his collections very much and he will angry if someone touches them.The next member is my mother.She works as a saleswoman.She is busy,too.In the morning,she goes to work with my father(their workplace are close together).She is a caring woman.She always cook breakfasts for us and her dishes are delicious all the time.Although my mother is the woman but she doesn't take time to make up,dress up.She spends as much as possible to work and take care of her family.She is a strange woman.However,I love her the way she is.Finally,I will introduce about myself.My name is Vy.I am the only child in the family so I want to have a sister to play with sometimes.Now I'm in a final year at the high school.I'm trying my best to win a place at university.I think I'm still not good at English,math so I must learn harder to improve my skills.All the members of my family is all busy but we usually look after one another.On weekends we spend time together such as watching television,eating,...I'm happy because I am a member of my lovely family.
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      #3

       on Mon Aug 31, 2015 12:10 pm


      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic: Your family
      Nội dung:
      I come from a family of three people:my father,my mother and I.The first one I want to talk about is my father.He is a barber but sadly,he never cuts my hair.He is very busy,he works from 8 a.m. to 10p.m. every day.His hobby in freetime is collect things like radio,antique,can,etc.He love his collections very much and he will angry if someone touches them.The next member is my mother.She works as a saleswoman.She is busy,too.In the morning,she goes to work with my father(their workplace are close together).She is a caring woman.She always cook breakfasts for us and her dishes are delicious all the time.Although my mother is the woman but she doesn't take time to make up,dress up.She spends as much as possible to work and take care of her family.She is a strange woman.However,I love her the way she is.Finally,I will introduce about myself.My name is Vy.I am the only child in the family so I want to have a sister to play with sometimes.Now I'm in a final year at the high school.I'm trying my best to win a place at university.I think I'm still not good at English,math so I must learn harder to improve my skills.All the members of my family is all busy but we usually look after one another.On weekends we spend time together such as watching television,eating,...I'm happy because I am a member of my lovely family.

      Collect =>> Collecting 

      love =>>> loves
      cook =>>> Cooks
      Breakfast =>> Breakfasts

      Nhận xét: 
      -Bài viết đáp ứng đủ độ dài, bố cục khá hợp lý.
      -Sử dụng từ vựng, ngữ pháp phù hợp với chủ đề bài viết, nhưng vẫn còn đơn giản, chưa phong phú.
      -Giữa các câu chưa thật uyển chuyển.
      -Sai ngữ pháp, dấu câu, từ vựng...

      Điểm: 0.75/1.5

      Từ vựng bổ sung cho Topic : Your family.
      Nuclear family/ Extended family/
      rapport with sb/between A and B
      bread winner/ hereditary/ next of kin
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      #4

       on Tue Jan 05, 2016 9:18 pm

      Topic : Benefits of learning English

      Learning English brings to us numerous benefits, especially in modern life. Firstly, it gives us a chance to get a much better job after graduating from universities. Nowadays, more and more companies require their employees to use English fluently. And with being master of English, we would be promoted to a higher position in our field. Secondly, learning English helps us to break language barrier. Thanks to that, we can communicate with foreign people, live in other countries and make more friends all over the world. Therefore, our life will certainly be interesting and colorful. Last but not least, improving our English means improving our language skill, name ly writing, reading, speaking and listening. It is one of the most important skills that a global citizen needs for. In conclusion, learning English is extremely important to everyone.

      Cảm ơn vì đã chữa giúp em ạ :)
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      #5

       on Thu Jan 07, 2016 9:29 am

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.][You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic : Benefits of learning English

      Learning English brings to us numerous benefits, especially in modern life. Firstly, it gives us a chance to get a much better job after graduating from universities. Nowadays, more and more companies require their employees to use English fluently. And with being master of English, we would be promoted to a higher position in our field. Secondly, learning English helps us to break language barrier. Thanks to that, we can communicate with foreign people, live in other countries and make more friends all over the world. Therefore, our life will certainly be interesting and colorful. Last but not least, improving our English means improving our language skill, namely writing, reading, speaking and listening. It is one of the most important skills that â global citizen needs for. In conclusion, learning English is extremely important to everyone.

      Cảm ơn vì đã chữa giúp em ạ :)

      1. Câu chủ đề chưa tốt. Hai vế có vẻ không ăn nhập. Cùng ý câu của bạn mình có thể paraphrase lại như sau.


      ''Along with the development of society, English is become more and more important to our life because of numerous benefits that English can bring about" 


      Thêm phát nữa...


      ''Along with the development of society, English, which is believed as an international language, is becoming more and more important to our life because of numerous benefits that English can bring about" 


      2. a much better job => (A sao lại đứng trước much... ) much better jobs
      3. people, live => nên viết là people who live/people living




      - Điểm cộng của bài viết là bài viết không mắc nhiều lỗi về từ vựng, hay thì của động từ.

      - Về cơ bản thì 3 ý của bạn đưa ra khá. Tuy nhiên việc triển khai các ý (diễn đạt ) lại chưa hẳn tốt. 
      - Chưa có nhiều cấu trúc, từ vựng ăn điểm.


      =>  Luyện viết nhiều  bạn có thể khắc phục những điểm trên. Mình nghĩ nếu viết nhiều thì bạn sẽ viết rất khá, vì các ý bạn đưa ra đều tốt. Chỉ cần diễn đạt tốt hơn là ok.


      Bài này mình cho : 0.75/1.5 
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      #6

       on Wed Jan 13, 2016 6:26 pm

      Topic: Your pet
      Nội dung:

      My pet is a dog. Her name is LuLu. I and her have lived together for 6 years. It's a long time with many nice memories. I have fed her when she was a small dog until now. My father bught her. Then, he gave her to me as a gift. I was very happy at that time. She is really a lovely dog. I love her so much. We often play together in mother's garden, I and her dig a hole then plant trees in it. We also chase each other a long the farm. She is bath twice a week. There for, I used to allow her to sleep in my bedroom when she was a small dog. Now she is a matured dog and is the mother of ten lovely pupies. She is one of my best friends whenever I'm sad, I just sit and talk with hẻ, then I feel really relax eventhough she doesn't say anything. I want to say to her that:'' I love you so much. I hope you will stay together with me forever.''

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      #7

       on Tue Jan 19, 2016 5:12 pm

      A wide range of plant and animal species have been driven to the verge of extinction for several causes. The first thing is habitat destruction. The drainage of wetlands, cutting forests, urbanization and road and dam construction have destroyed or seriously damaged natural habitats. Hence, the creatures have to move to other areas. They may be killed on the way or die of not adapting themselves to new condition. Secondly, the number of rare species has been considerably reduced as a result of worldwide commercial exploitation for food and other products. Rhino horn, for instance, is one of the most common products from endangered animals, whose the two largest markets are China and Vietnam. The last but not least cause is environmental pollution such as toxic chemicals in the air and land, contaminated water and increased water temperatures. Not only do those lead a community to decline they also harm its next generations' quantity and quality as well, which leaves permanent results for global biodiversity. In short, for above facts, the loss of wildlife has become so serious that people must act to prevent it.
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      #8

       on Wed Jan 20, 2016 8:55 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic: Your pet
      Nội dung:

      My pet is a dog. Her name is LuLu. I and her have lived together for 6 years. It's a long time with many nice memories. I have fed her when she was a small dog until now. My father bught her. Then, he gave her to me as a gift. I was very happy at that time. She is really a lovely dog. I love her so much. We often play together in mother's garden, I and her dig a hole then plant trees in it. We also chase each other a long the farm. She is bath twice a week. There for, I used to allow her to sleep in my bedroom when she was a small dog. Now she is a matured dog and is the mother of ten lovely pupies. She is one of my best friends whenever I'm sad, I just sit and talk with hẻ, then I feel really relax eventhough she doesn't say anything. I want to say to her that:'' I love you so much. I hope you will stay together with me forever.''


      @vuthanhphuong29

      Bài viết có bạn mình đánh giá thấp. 
      - Câu văn rất cụt, các câu quá đơn giản và không hấp dẫn người đọc.
      - Liên kết giữa các câu còn yếu.
      - Từ vựng quá đơn giản mà còn những chỗ sai nhiều.
      ...
      Bạn nên xem lại và rút kinh nghiệm trong những lần sau.
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      #9

       on Wed Jan 20, 2016 9:40 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:A wide range of plant and animal species have been driven to the verge of extinction for several causes. The first thing is habitat destruction. The drainage of wetlands, cutting forests, urbanization and road and dam construction have destroyed or seriously damaged natural habitats. Hence, the creatures have to move to other areas. They may be killed on the way or die of not adapting themselves to new condition. Secondly, the number of rare species has been considerably reduced as a result of worldwide commercial exploitation for food and other products. Rhino horn, for instance, is one of the most common products from endangered animals, whose the two largest markets are China and Vietnam. The last but not least cause is environmental pollution such as toxic chemicals in the air and land, contaminated water and increased water temperatures. Not only do those lead a community to decline they also harm its next generations' quantity and quality as well, which leaves permanent results for global biodiversity. In short, for above facts, the loss of wildlife has become so serious that people must act to prevent it.

      Bài viết lần này của bạn mình đánh giá là tốt hơn nhiều so với lần trước. Có nhiều từ vựng và cấu trúc ăn điểm.
       
      Màu xanh: Những cụm từ, cấu trúc tốt
      Màu đỏ : Chưa chính xác., cần chỉnh sửa. 


      and road and dam construction : Mình nghĩ viết này cũng không sai nhưng bạn nên đổi lại thành ,road and construction hoặc chỉ nói một trong 2.

      Tương tự: 
      have to move to other areas.


      Câu "They may be killed on the way or die of not adapting themselves to new condition có thể viết lại như sau:

      Hence, the creatures have to leave their areas where have specific climate conditions, such as temperature and rainfall patterns, that enable them to thrive. Consequently, they may be less capable of adapting themselves to new condition.


      last but not least



      1/1.5
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      #10

       on Thu Jan 21, 2016 4:45 pm

      Màu xanh: Những cụm từ, cấu trúc tốt
      Màu đỏ : Chưa chính xác., cần chỉnh sửa. 

      Ad có thể giải thích cho em, những từ vựng và cấu trúc như nào thì ăn điểm không ạ?
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      #11

       on Thu Jan 21, 2016 5:06 pm

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      -Những loại câu ăn điểm có thể kể đến như câu bị động, rút gọn mệnh đề quan hệ, Rút gọn chủ ngữ...
      - Collocations là một trong những điều đáng chú ý nếu muốn ăn điểm. 
      Ở bài viết trên bạn có những cấu trúc tốt như:
      driven to the verge of
      the loss of

      Cách sắp xếp từ trong câu cũng rất quan trọng.
      Ví dụ ở đây bạn viết 
      Rhino horn, for instance, thay vì for instance, Rhino horn.... =>> Nice 

      Một ví dụ khác cho bạn


      "He taught, also, that a friend is the greatest blessing that any one can have."
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      #12

       on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:03 pm

      Topic: Write about a person you love or admire
      Nội dung:
       
         In my family, my father is a person I admire most. His name is Van. He is 40 years old. Now, he is owner of a big farm in Binh Thanh. My father is wonderful daddy. Despite working hard but he always spends a lot of time to the upbringing and take care of my elder brother and I. Moreover, he is a good role model for me to follow. My father always generous with people who live next door and help everbody when they are in difficulties, he also have sense of hurmour; so most of them respect and love him. I admire and look up to my dad because he not only bring me up well but also stand by me give some precious advices. For example, when I am defeated in live, encounter some difficulties, he will gives some useful help to solve those problems. I love my father so much. I wish I would become like him in the future.


      Được sửa bởi vuthanhphuong29 ngày Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:04 pm; sửa lần 1.
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      #13

       on Fri Jan 22, 2016 7:40 pm

      Topic: Write about a person you love or admire

      Nội dung:
      I see a number of people as my examples, the best of whom is my eldest aunt. She, in my opinion, is an extremely strong and capable woman. Brought up in a poor family, she used to experience a much harder childhood than her other friends. Since the days of a little girl, she had to help my grandparents do not only farming but also housework including taking care of three mischievous brothers. Excellent as her high school graduation result, she could not afford to enter even a small university because of poverty. However, with intelligence and strong will, as earning for living she tried to self-studied and continued finding a chance for training. After all of difficulties, now she got a high position in the State Bank, therefore, became my big family's pride. She is also my idol for laborious and courage. I hope I could become a successful one like her.
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      #14

       on Mon Jan 25, 2016 7:44 pm

      Topic: Your job in the future
      Nội dung:
      Marketing seem to be the kind of career I would like to choose in the future. I like this work because of several reasons. Firstly, marketing location is well-paid job. If you help your company sell more products, you will be paid the higher salary. Of course, you need to have effective generalship to attract customers such as: research and development, promotion, marketing research, product-variety marketing , push Strategy, dynamism and so on. Secondly, working as a marketer gives me many opportunities of improving my persuading skill and ability to converting idea into works. Work of a marketer exact different skills, but if you mêt these requirements , you will be more and more professional. In short, It is simply my hobby and I love it.
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      #15

       on Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:04 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic: Write about a person you love or admire
      Nội dung:
       
         In my family, my father is a person I admire most. His name is Van. He is 40 years old. Now, he is owner of a big farm in Binh Thanh. My father is wonderful daddy. Despite working hard but he always spends a lot of time to the upbringing and take care of my elder brother and I. Moreover, he is a good role model for me to follow. My father always generous with people who live next door and help everbody when they are in difficulties, he also have sense of hurmour; so most of them respect and love him. I admire and look up to my dad because he not only bring me up well but also stand by me give some precious advices. For example, when I am defeated in live, encounter some difficulties, he will gives some useful help to solve those problems. I love my father so much. I wish I would become like him in the future.
      he is owner => he is the owner of ...
      spend ( a lot of ) time / waste time + V- ING 
      spend time on + N...


      eg:  
      My brother is an amateur photographer who spends a lot of time and thought composing his pictures.

      My father spends a lot of time on his hobby.
      generous (adj) =>> thiếu động từ. Ở phía dưới bạn dùng động từ help thì ở đây nên viết là get on well with hoặc have a good relationship with
      help =>>>> helps
      have =>>>> has
      bring, stand =>>> brings, stands
      gives =>>> give


      0.5/1.5
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      #16

       on Sat Jan 30, 2016 5:25 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic: Write about a person you love or admire

      Nội dung:
      I see a number of people as my examples, the best of whom is my eldest aunt. She, in my opinion, is an extremely strong and capable woman. Brought up in a poor family, she used to experience a much harder childhood than her other friends. Since the days of a little girl, she had to help my grandparents do not only farming but also housework including taking care of three mischievous brothers. Excellent as her high school graduation result, she could not afford to enter even a small university because of poverty. However, with intelligence and strong will, as earning for living she tried to self-studied and continued finding a chance for training. After all of difficulties, now she got a high position in the State Bank, therefore, became my big family's pride. She is also my idol for laborious and courage. I hope I could become a successful one like her.
        
      I see a number of people as my examples, the best of whom is my eldest aunt. Văn Việt.
      Từ hard này hơi nhạy cảm, mình cũng không chắc là có nên dùng nó ở đây không...
      Excellent as her high school graduation result : động từ đâu @@
      and : dùng để nối những từ, mệnh đề cùng loại. N and N, Adj and Adj, Ving and Ving... không thể adj and N

      0.5/1.5
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      #17

       on Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:03 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic: Your job in the future
      Nội dung:
       Marketing seem to be the kind of career I would like to choose in the future. I like this work because of several reasons. Firstly, marketing location is well-paid job. If you help your company sell more products, you will be paid the higher salary.  Of course, you need to have effective generalship to attract customers such as: research and development, promotion, marketing research, product-variety marketing , push Strategy, dynamism and so on. Secondly, working as a marketer gives me many opportunities of improving my persuading skill and ability to converting idea into works. Work of a marketer exact different skills, but if you mêt these requirements , you will be more and more professional. In short, It is simply my hobby and I love it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
      (126 words)
      seem => seems
      Such as : Về cách dùng Such as bạn có thể xem video này của thầy Dan Hauer. ( Ngoài ra thầy có rất nhiều video hay bạn có thể theo dõi thêm.) :) :)
       [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      of =>> for
      skill =>>> skills ( Vẫn trong video trên nhá)
      of =>>> as


      0.5/1.5
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      #18

       on Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:22 pm

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      Excellent as her high school graduation result : động từ đâu @@

      0.5/1.5[/quote]

      Cái này là em sử dụng đảo ngữ thay cho mệnh đề "Although her high school graduation result was excellent" không biết như vậy có được không ạ?

      Với lại, ad ơi, em xin mạn phép được hỏi cái này ạ. Ad có thể chữa luận cho bọn em thường xuyên hơn được không ạ, 3 ngày 1 lần là được rồi ạ, như lần này bọn em chờ lâu quá :(
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      #19

       on Sat Jan 30, 2016 6:25 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

      Excellent as her high school graduation result : động từ đâu @@

      0.5/1.5

      Cái này là em sử dụng đảo ngữ thay cho mệnh đề "Although her high school graduation result was excellent" không biết như vậy có được không ạ?[/quote]

      Mình biết là bạn dùng đảo ngữ. Nhưng bạn không thể bỏ động từ was đi được
      Excellent as her high school graduation result was, ...
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      #20

       on Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:04 pm

      Topic : Tell about your best friend.

      During my youth, I have a best friend who I see as a treasure. Her name is Thu but always called Verb. She is the cutest girl I have seen with white skin, slim body and a lovable face. Especially, her hand is an admirable one whose fingers are so long and slender that they look really artistic. Despite of occasional angry, she is a gentle person by nature. She is good at English, and not good at Math. She is a hard-working student. Her talent is drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films. It's she that gives me a reason to dream of entering one of the most notable university in our country, Foreign Trade University. As the word "A seven-year friendship is a permanent one" says, I hope we could be together to overcome difficulties.

      "She is good at English, and not good at Math. She is a hard-working student. Her talent is drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films." -> mấy câu này em không biết nên nối thế nào cho hợp lí, ad giúp em với ạ.
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      #21

       on Thu Feb 04, 2016 5:32 pm

      Topic: Tell about your best friend
      Nội dung:
        There are many things to tell about my friends. If I think about friendship, I will think about my best friend firstly. Her name is Yen, one of my schollmates  scholmates and we have known each other since we were 7 years old. Moreover, we are also neighbors, so we spend most of our time doing our homework, playing and talking together. Yen is a lovely girl with brown eyes, oval face and short black hair. She is an intelligent student. She likes watching romantic Korean movies and reading comic. Beside, she is also sociable and has a good sense of humor. I love her so much and I hope that our friendship will continue and be just as strong although we graduate from high school.

      Có một số lỗi chính tả không biết có phải do bạn type nhầm hay k.

      0.5- 0.75 tùy người chấm...
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      #22

       on Fri Feb 05, 2016 4:13 pm

      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
      [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] đã viết:Topic : Tell about your best friend.

      During my youth, I have a best friend who I see as a treasure. Her name is Thu but always called Verb. She is the cutest girl I have seen with white skin, slim body and a lovable face. Especially, her hand is an admirable one whose fingers are so long and slender that they look really artistic. Despite of occasional angry, she is a gentle person by nature |she has a a gentle nature|. She is good at English, and not good at Math. She is a hard-working student. Her talent is drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films. It's she that gives me a reason to dream of entering one of the most notable university  |university  => universities. (one of the most + Ns) |in our country, Foreign Trade University. As the word "A seven-year friendship is a permanent one" says, I hope we could be together to overcome difficulties.

      "She is good at English, and not good at Math. She is a hard-working student. Her talent is drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films." -> mấy câu này em không biết nên nối thế nào cho hợp lí, ad giúp em với ạ.



      She is good at English, and not good at Math. She is a hard-working student. Her talent is drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films.  



      She is a hard-working student. She not only is good at English but also has a real talent for drawing. ( for not in ). She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films.  

      Hoặc nếu không muốn lặp lại chủ ngữ thì rút gọn


      Being a hard-working student, she not only is good at English but also has the wide knowledge of the world (considering that she is still very young.) Moreover, she has a has a real talent for drawing. She often draws cartoon characters in Ghibli's films.
      #23